smashed?

no matter how hard i try, what it gave me is just disappointement. not only once, not only twice but countles of times. and despite these failures, nevertheless, i still clenched my teeth and moved on, trying again and again. but this time round, i really don't think i can face this anymore. i wanted to go on walking this path down my entire life but now the faith inside me is fading away. i did everything i could. and i give it my all, my very best but everytime i walk out of the door, i have to hold back tears. though i know i can't give up just like that, though i know i can still make it through this exam, but can i still continue with this dream of mine? will i be able to get what i want? i understand that some things take longer time to develop but i just can't help but feel desperate for myself. more than 3/4 of the time i am facing disappointments. is this really part of the process to success? i'm beginning to doubt. will that big dream of mine come true? or is it just as wishful as it can be? i don't know if i can still carry on this heavy burden on me. i don't know if i can make it through all the obstacles. i don't know if i can still clench my teeth and continue working hard as ever. one thing i know is that i wasn't as optimistic as i was this time round. i really want to make my dream come true. but with passion and effort, is it really true that i can get what i want? or has it already been fated that this dream of mine had been smashed long time ago? i really wish to know the answer. as for now, i am really either here nor there, stuck in the middle of nowhere.